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The Ache of Reconnection

Do you feel that feeling? Something similar to a deep pull in your chest?

I’ve been feeling this for a few years now and it feels similar to an aching for something much deeper and meaningful in my life. However, I haven't been able to put my finger on it until recently. Although I'm doing what I love by communing with sacred plants to heal not just myself, but others with similar traumas. There still seems to be an even deeper purpose that is showing itself to me, and that's to connect with wise elders and ancestors that would be able to guide us back into nature. There's an ache for being able to live in harmony with Mother Earth, humans, plants and animals. Because, let's face it, we, as a whole are living out of harmony in many different facets of our existence. I must admit to you that I have searched but havent found these elders to teach me because most of our elders are suffering with PTSD and fear. They’ve lost their way. This is the purpose of me writing this...

Almost every day now, someone reaches out to me feeling helpless to body pains, depression and a suicidal mind. Yes, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and have been able to handle it, but if I'm honest with myself, I feel the dark cloud just looming over. The light in me trudges forward, but I can't help but to feel weak at some points. Usually around this time, I need to recharge by going into the woods by myself and just being with nature. Feeling the sun on my skin and smelling the earthy soil under my feet helps me clean out.

RIght now, more than ever, I've been feeling called to find more balance. I have a grand vision of having a home far away from society and roads that give off machine sounds. I often fantasize about having our own garden, living completely grocery store free, and learning how to hunt with a compound bow so I can see and feel the whole process of taking an animal's life and giving it thanks before it becomes a part of me. No longer do I want to eat packaged meats even if it says free range and organic. I want to feel the spirit of that being by paying it hummage for nourishing my life.

Recently, Ti and I watched the movie Tarzan, where a man was taken from the wilderness and given labels such as a name that is associated with prestige so he can get on in a white man's world. He even identified with it and said he wouldn't go back into the jungle. You could tell there was a bit of fear inside of him. This reminded me of myself. When I was a child, I never felt better than being outdoors in the elements. Stomping in the woods with my Alaskan Malamute named Geno. I was a wild kid running around with a wolf. No maps and no agenda. I would climb trees, walk on frozen ponds and flip over rocks to find worms and other creatures.

Somewhere down the line, I was told to get a job, to buy a car and work towards a “successful” future. Perhaps, even become a dapper businessman with prestige. Growing up, I really didn't have it easy. I always wore my heart on my sleeve and some people took advantage of that. I was usually bullied and made fun of in school. But I still listened to what others wanted me to do and I conformed. In high school, I hung out with some people that were up to no good because, well, they were popular. I wanted to be accepted so I decided to follow them into what was later discovered to be a deep dark addiction hole. I still have some trauma around this to this day.

I remember being drugged 3 or 4 times and hazed by these people before I figured out they didn't like me. They spread rumors about me and by the time I was wanting to go back to my real friends that weren't so popular, I found that they had also turned their backs on me because I turned on them just so I could become popular. I was utterly lost because I was following others that were even more lost. You can hear more about this on a recent podcast I released here:

Can you relate to any of this? Perhaps it doesn't look the same way, but there are little snippets in there for anyone in the western world to say, yeah, I felt this…

When Covid-19 hit, we went into lock down. I had a lot of time to ponder on what we, as humans are going through. Anytime we enter into a dark part of our species, it seems my ancestors from the other side call me. They want me to look at a cyclical past even before I came onto this earth in this incarnation. I’ve done this before and when I listen, it always brings me back to truth. If I had gut problems for extended time, I’d look into what my ancestors were eating and adjust. If I was depressed or had PTSD, I looked into what our ancestors did which was meditation, yoga and self introspection and presto! It worked...

Right now, I’m looking into our past and what I see is pretty hard to look at. The human species used to be so connected to the land. They would live in such a way where they were in direct contact with Mother Earth and the ancestors that came before them. Somewhere down the line, the white man came. They told lies to capitalize on the lands in which these wise elders have roamed for thousands of years. Not all, but most of the indegiouss peoples of the American and Australia welcomed the white men onto their land because there was abundance for all. Perhaps they could teach the white man to live in harmony with them and also learn the ways of the white man. Obviously, this didn't go as expected. The lands were quickly stolen and many of these people were slaughtered. The ones that surrendered were split from their families and put into the white man's schools so they would conform. Sooner or later alcohol became a way of life for the Aborigines of Australia and Native Indians of North America. You’ll even hear of this happening to the mystical reindeer herders of Siberia. Most were very happy with their lives with no time for depression, then currency came into play. They were forced to use currency and then had to get jobs working so they could “survive”. Feeling disconnected and needing to numb from the disconnected spirit, they began to drink and almost 1-5 people in these reservations commit suicide.

Not too long ago we had “Standing Rock” where the US government decided that they wanted to run an oil pipeline through sacred lands of the Lakota Tribes. They made peaceful protests and got nothing but rubber bullets, water cannons and tear gas. There were even grandmothers that approached the front line of well armed police only to find themselves bashed. But don’t worry, the government goes by “in god we trust”. What sort of god are they selling us here?

Even today, we look at our world and the only word I can call to mind is “peril”. I feel like we are being divided and lied to once again. Except it's not just the indegenous people anymore, now, it's most of us that are suffering. Working shit jobs for machine men that think profit is the way of life for all. They shove religion down our throats and make us believe that we’re guilty even though we haven't done a damn thing. Christian missionaries spread like a virus to stomp out any traditions that don't abide by capitalism, communism and other “isms”.

I saw it with my own eyes when I visited Ecuador. An ancient tribe known as the Secoya tribe was laden with alcoholism. I watched a father and son get into a fight after an all nighter from a jungle brew called Chi Cha and it scared the shit out of everyone there. Most of the foreigners visiting them suffered trauma from alcoholism. Naturally triggered, some of us were thinking about getting a boat out of there because we felt that they would be able to help us heal due to them having been very wounded themselves. This to me is absolutely horrendous.

Today, in Australia, you can go into the Northern Territory to find aborigines that have succumbed to alcoholism, living in the streets or in very poor living conditions. Some got “lucky” enough to obtain mining jobs that the white men gave them to excavate the Uranium from their very own lands only to ship it to foreign countries like the US, China and Russia. Radiation is a exists in their waters now. Don't believe me? look it up.

Present day in the US look like peaceful protests turned into blood shed as the very same police that killed a young black man claim to protect business owners and civilians from rioters with sheer brute force.

This is probably the time when you sit back in your chair and say, what's your point Jimmy?

My point is, through my own consensus, that we as a species have been duped. We’ve been domesticated by profiteers so they can work “smarter not harder”. Its modern day slavery at its finest and if we dont think that these sleezy governments are taking advantage of Covid-19 and the race wars that rage in the streets, then we are very confused.

It’s easy to say, “Well what am I going to do as one person?”. You can do a lot. You can work on yourself but that only goes so far. We need help. We need to call out to our ancestors for guidance. We need teachers in this material realm from all tribes that have walked this earth before us. I believe this feeling that we have here is the very spirit of the planet that beckons us to return to our old ways.

From this point forward, I have started to invest in becoming self sustainable. To learn how to survive in the wild and not rely on packaged goods and drug dealing doctors to take care of me. This whole system is a house of cards and the lies that these racist old men tell us is going to bring the whole house down onto our heads if we don’t begin to reconnect with the planet. This feeling is so strong in me that it's undeniable. I'll be focusing on this and I hope many of you will do the same. One day I truly believe that we will live in harmony with a sparkle in each one of our eyes as we live with the land and each other without racism, bigotry and fear.

Zig Zigler said, “F.E.A.R is False Evidence Appearing Real”. This to me is true and if you feel fear from making a leap to reconnecting with the planet or are judging this very article as hippy or a utopian society that will never work, then invite you to push past this feeling it could very well be the doorway to our happiness. Seek the anti-poison that is bravery in love that calls us all at this time in humanity. Rid yourself of fear of death and we will begin to thrive without hate and violence.



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