Updated: Dec 5, 2019
Who know's why there are so many people within our society feeling disconnected and separate from the world other than someone that sought out nature's help with understanding my own suffering. The question's in the quote above are very important ones to ask. During our live's we have things that happen to us that seem to chip off pieces of our soul and this is a first hand depiction of how nature helped me recover these parts of myself.
About 5 years ago, I began my journey with Amazon Jungle and Ayahuasca. It all started with a violent robbery in a Verizon store. This challenge left PTSD within me and there was no sign of returning from it. If anyone reading this knows about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, its a constant replay of the traumatic event that happened. Even though I made it out alive and did everything necessary to do so, I was still caught in a wheel of suffering that wouldn't allow me to sleep, eat or drink. I quickly spiraled into a dark abyss not understanding that this was the most vital part of my spiritual awakening.
During the dark night of the soul, I quickly had another thought or a voice that flooded my thinking that seemed to run parallel with the PTSD. Meditation and Zen kept ringing in my head so much that it forced me to listen. Being raised in a small town in Kentucky, Zen really was a foreign concept to me. However, I decided to educate myself on the style of Zazen meditation. Before I knew it, I was sitting for 4 or 5 hours a day in complete silence. After about 2 weeks of this, I broke the cycle of PTSD. It seemed to have shattered all thinking and I was left with profound visions that were really hard to understand.
Through my confusion of these visions, I sought out a teacher in Atlanta and thats when I came across the Atlanta Soto Zen Center. As I progressed over the next year, I was sitting in meditation retreats meditating for 6-7 hours a day. But something still wasn't right. I began to discuss my visions with the Roshi (Zen Master). He informed me that the visions were a great indicator of right practiced but encouraged me to go deeper. To me this is the best and worst thing about Zen. They get directly to the point and the in between doesn't matter. For me, I wanted to understand where these visions were coming from as they felt as if they were coming from something other than me. Like a communication from the other side if you will.
Right around this time a good friend of mine whom will go un-named, and I were discuss this phenomena. He brought up an interesting subject regarding DMT (n,n Dimethyltryptamine). This molecule is created in your pineal gland (3rd eye) in the center of your brain and also in every other living being on this planet. This molecule, sometimes called the spirit molecule, is only secreted in humans during dreaming, birth, death and near death experiences. You can also sit in meditation for hours on end, and you will have DMT secretion. As soon as I heard of this, I began to research. During my research I discovered the documentary, "DMT the Spirit Molecule". In this documentary, they discuss all things DMT. From first hand encounters of ayahuasca to the powdered form extracted from a plant, then smoked. There were trip reports of meeting other beings and also becoming one with everything. I had to try it.
That said, one doesn't simply just fall onto an Ayahuasca ceremony, it has to call to you and present itself in such a way that its effortless. Within one month, I was on the way to a private ceremony in Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina.
I did two ceremonies in one weekend and had a life changing experience of oneness with the planet and understanding my role as someone that helps others was about to begin. Within 6 months I was in Peru deep in the Amazon working with what the Shamans call a dieta which essentially means a diet. When there, you have to give up salt, processed sugar, pork, red meat, sex and a few other items for a month. I wont lie, it felt like a year but I digress.
The diet and process is very simple on the outside but much more complicated going in. During the 11-12 days in the jungle, you have your own Tambo which is a hut the size of a bedroom that is screened in. It was a silent retreat which means that you aren't allowed to speak or interact with each other. In regards to the diet, if you don't like food without any seasoning potatoes, rice, plantains and an occasional jungle chicken, this is not for you. You are also assigned a teacher plant that you drink throughout the day that arrives in a carafe.
Usually you have one day off to get acclimated and then the journey into yourself begins. For me, I had a beautiful experience of becoming the jungle and everything around me. I felt as if Ayahuasca was the voice of this earth and she was there to help me purge anything emotional that was holding me down.
My life would be forever changed so much so that I ended up doing 2 more of these diets to expand my knowledge of the cosmos and also give me tools to help other people.
I had a first hand interaction with spirits from other worlds that I didn't know existed. Any entity that I encountered had a specific skill set. One of the most profound teachers I had was the Jaguar. But I wont get into this to much as it is very difficult to put into words.
To this day, I thank Ayahuasca and all the plants Ive worked with for guiding me into the direction of my happiest self. My dreams and realty has changed so much that the world is full of magic and wonder now, like a vale was lifted from my perception. I am like a little kid in a magic shop with unlimited tricks. This medicine eliminated my depression, alcoholism and gave me a profound understanding of the world around me. Muchas Gracias Pacha Mama.
...to be continued